An engagement ring is probably the most important piece of jewelry a person will shop for in his life.  The process of choosing a ring is usually stressful because the ring is expensive and is intended to communicate something very important, so there is anxiety about making the right choice.  This section of shopgemstones.com is here to help reduce some of that anxiety.  It includes samples of engagement rings with their sources and prices, a list of factors to consider and an analysis of venders.  When choosing an engagement ring, there are several factors to consider all at once:

Your Budget
Generally, when buying an engagement ring, you should buy the very best ring you can without hurting yourself.  This is something you will only buy once in your life, but it will be on her finger until it’s unrecognizably old and wrinkly; the story of the ring will get told to maybe hundreds of people; one of your children or someone else in your family will inherit it.  Compared to your car or your flat screen TV it’s a worthy investment.

Once you know your budget, you should understand what that amount of money can buy and set your expectations accordingly.  Be prepared to make decisions about whether you’d rather have something “bigger” or something “of the best quality”, whether you’d rather have a lesser grade very precious stone or a high grade semi precious stone.  The pages of this website on individual gemstones will give you a sense of the price range to expect for jewelry made of a particular gemstone.

(For an explanation of diamond grading, see Diamonds)

The Degree of Surprise
Shopping for and choosing the right engagement ring will be influenced by how much of a surprise your proposal will be.  If surprise is not an important element (for you or your partner) of the proposal, then in a way the process will be easier for you.  Some couples are even comfortable with having the ring recipient picking out her ring independently. 

If your proposal will be (or you want it to be) a surprise, then you will need to be stealthy and do a bit more work, but your reward in the end will be in knocking her spectacularly off her feet.

The Recipient’s Taste
This can be one of the hardest parts of choosing a ring.  What does she like?  If, as described above, receiving the ring will not be a surprise for her, you can directly ask her what she likes.  In this case, shopping for an engagement ring can be a really fun experience for a couple in which they can plan and celebrate their coming union.

(For an explanation of diamond grading, see Diamonds)

If you would like to surprise her, it is best to do some investigating to discover what will please her most.  Generally, women tend to have the strongest preferences for the color/kind of metal and the shape of the cut. (See gemstone information for examples of different cuts)  For example, she may know that she likes white gold more than yellow gold and square cuts more than pear cuts, but she might not know about grades of diamonds or have an exact size preference.  If it is possible to ask her without diminishing the experience for either of you, you can walk buy a jewelry window and quickly ask her “Hey look at these rings… hypothetically, which one do you think is best?”  You can also watch how she reacts to her friends or family’s engagement rings. 

(For an explanation of diamond grading, see Diamonds)

If these options don’t work well or if you’d like to be sneaky, you can audit her jewelry box.  If she has mostly silver and white gold, you can figure she does not want a yellow gold ring and vice versa.  See if she tends to like simple or complicated designs; one main center stone or lots of small stones, if there are any persistent “favorite” colors of stones.  It is important to exclude jewelry pieces you know she didn’t choose herself or hardly ever wears.  You could even try to borrow her jewelry for a day to take it to a good jeweler (usually small independent shops are best) and ask, “This is what she usually likes to wear.  What kind of engagement ring do you think suits her style?”   

Another way to find out what she likes without arousing her suspicion is to enlist the help of a female friend or family member.  Discussing engagement rings is a perfectly normal conversation among females, so if her sister or friend casually brings it up (and then passes on what they learn to you), she probably won’t suspect anything.

(For an explanation of diamond grading, see Diamonds)

The Recipient’s Expectations:
Another tricky aspect of choosing an engagement ring is the recipient’s expectations.  This is a separate category from what she “likes” because engagement rings are socially and culturally symbolic.  For example, her favorite stone may be blue sapphire but she might (even subconsciously) expect a diamond because that is the norm of her culture.  Generally in the USA, diamond is the expected stone for an engagement ring, so unless your lady is a trendsetter, unconventional, “likes to be different” or has expressed openness to non-diamond engagement rings, go with a diamond.  (However if she does belong to one of the previous descriptions, seriously consider another gemstone).

Expectations also play a role socially in that, well, if her mom and sister and all her friends have big flashy rings, she will probably be disappointed with a small one (unless she has expressly stated “Uggh, I hate those ugly big rings!”).  Even the sweetest ladies subliminally enjoy to one-up each other.  So if you can make sure her engagement ring is even a little bit better in some way than those of her female peers, you will give her the chance for some delicious social gratification. 

(For an explanation of diamond grading, see Diamonds)

Your Taste
Deciding which ring you like is a very important aspect of the purchase.  With the engagement ring you give her, you are expressing yourself.  Every time she looks down at that ring (which she will every day), she will think of you.  What do you want her to see?  Your friends and family will oooohh and ahhh over the ring and they will compliment her, but they will know that you picked it out.  Choose one that you like so that you can stand behind it with pride. 

If you don’t have strong feelings about one or the other, do some research on this website about the different meanings of stones, different cuts and gradings.  Then start looking in shop windows and see if you form opinions.  You might notice there are some rings you don’t like and that can be a starting point for developing your own taste.

 

The Meaning Behind It
An engagement ring is 90% meaning and 10% material object.  To really make your ring special, put some thought behind it, make it into a story that you can tell her that will show how important she is, a story that she can tell your grandchildren.  There are lots of ways to do this.

Research the symbology of the different gemstones and if you find that one of them reminds you of her, add it as an accent stone.  For example, if she keeps you grounded and helps you articulate your emotions, you can design a ring for her with accents of turquoise which Native Americans believed has those powers.  You can give her a ring containing emerald as a symbol of the success and “rightness” of your lives together. You can have a ring designed with a diamond in the middle and your birthstone and her birthstone on either side.  Read about the gemstones on this website to see if any of them strikes a chord with you.

You can also shop for rings at antique stores or estate sales to see if any of the rings have an especially romantic history that you would like to have in your marriage.  You could have a ring made including a stone from one of your grandmother’s rings as a way of giving her a family treasure.

Giving a ring with a lot of meaning behind it or a great story attached to it will always make her happy.  Most women would rather have a $100 ring full of meaning and love than a $10,000 ring given out of fear of being a disappointment.

(For an explanation of diamond grading, see Diamonds)

Go with What Feels Right:
It’s important to research and think and be creative, so that you more or less know what you want and what to look for.  But after all your research and all your thought, in the end you have to trust your gut.  If you’re looking down at a box of sparkling gems and one of them just won’t let go of your eye, that’s probably the one you’re supposed to buy.  Gemstones are powerful magical things, usually millions of years old.  They can bring so much beauty and power to the one who wears them, so its important to pick one that feels good.

(For an explanation of diamond grading, see Diamonds)

What to Expect from Venders:
There are probably 500 million people who want to sell you an engagement ring.  Where to start?  Who to buy from?  Here are some things to consider:

Warranty: Some venders give you a warranty such that if the center stone falls out, they replace it for free.

Service: Some venders offer free polishing and setting tightening for free for the rest of your life, or for a certain time period.

Brand Name: If the recipient of your ring is brand conscious, you might consider giving her a ring in a box she recognizes and values.  If she loves to walk into Tiffany’s “just to look”  Or likes to ooogle at Cartier ads in magazines, Why not wow her with a ring from there?

Uniqueness: Jewelers vary in how much they can customize your ring.  Some can make the entire ring from scratch according to your wishes, some have a set  “catalogue” of settings (the metal part) and stones and you can mix and match.  Other venders sell rings “as is” and some jewelers make one of a kind “art pieces.”

Security: Of course, when you are buying an engagement ring you want to make sure you get the real thing.  Generally, there’s not much to be afraid of in the way of fraud.  But when in doubt, you can usually tell how secure a jewelry source is by how much it has to lose if caught selling a fake.  The more developed the reputation, brand and physical infrastructure, probably the safer it is.  

Customer Service: When purchasing an engagement ring, it might be reassuring to have attention and guidance from an expert.  The level of customer service you will experience during the buying process varies among jewelers.

Price/Value for Money: Venders vary in the degree that jewelry is “marked up”.  A ring with a certain size and grade of diamond can be had for $3000 from one source and $10000 from another.  The mark up is usually related to the presence or absence of the above features.

(For an explanation of diamond grading, see Diamonds)

Here is a general analysis of different types of engagement ring venders.  Certainly, there are shades of grey, variations and exceptions to these categories, but this will outline a general idea of engagement ring sellers and give you a starting point. Each type of jewelry vender has a rank out of 5 stars for how they perform in the above described categories.

Jewelry Source	Warranty/ Service	Brand Name	Uniqueness	Security	Customer Service	Price/Value for Money
Mainstreem retail chains (e.g. Zales, Benolds, shops found in malls)						Medium priced
Premium Retail Chains						Highest mark up
Independent Jewelers (Individual “Artisans”)	Varies	If the jeweler is well known locally	Most unique	Depends on length of time in business		Usually high priced
Internet Auctions			Depends	Depends on  reputation		Best deals can be found here
Internet Stores				Depends on   reputation
Antique or Resale stores

Engagement Ring myths:

• An engagement ring is by definition a diamond ring
  No, an engagement ring can feature any stone that’s special.  The prevalence of diamond engagement rings is a phenomena of the last century.  Hundreds of years ago, engagement rings were made of any precious stone (e.g. emerald, sapphire, ruby or pearl)
• Diamond engagement rings are really expensive
  Not necessarily. 
  You can find diamond solitaire engagement rings for as little as $300. 
• Princess cut or emerald cut diamonds are more expensive than round cuts.
  False
  The main determinants of a diamond ring’s price are size and grade (how colorless and clear it is) and how well it is cut, not the shape its cut in.
• Bigger is always better
  Not for everyone.  Some women would prefer a smaller diamond (under 1 carat) that sparkles intensely over a 1.5 carat or 2 carat diamond that is dull and lifeless (see diamonds to learn how cut and clarity affect sparkle)
• Knowing her ring size is one of the most important requisites in choosing a ring
  Nah… rings can be resized easily, sometimes in less than an hour for less than $20 at the jeweler around the corner.  Yes it might be extra perfect if when you slip it on her finger it fits perfectly, but most likely she’ll be too dazzled by the sparkle and rush of emotion to notice or care.
  P.S. If you still want to make sure it’s the right size, try on one of her rings that she wears on her ring finger on one of your fingers.  Put a mark on your finger at exactly the place where the ring fits and take your hand into any jewelry shop and ask them to tell you what ring size it is.